Wednesday, October 1, 2014

A Tea Spoon Of Coffee

For the time being, the first light seems to be the most gratifying time of my day which is ironic considering I am a confirmed owl. Though I do not find the singular spans to be the least disconcerting, currently I hail the clock striking four and the breaking of solitude with a sigh of relief.

Arbitrary conversations with mum, drifting from one topic to another brought in some even more arbitrary memories. This morning, as she bustled across the kitchen prepping up for the day's breakfast I found myself enquiring about a particular container that we possessed. There was nothing exceptional about its features; rather it was an extremely characterless, inexpensive tin made of aluminium which my grandfather must have bought in the 50s. The only piquancy that the nondescript tin possessed was that it had always been used to store coffee powder, being air-tight in nature. The tin held in it the virgin aroma of the strong, dizzying and addictive brew that these teenage nostrils had culled. Thereafter coffee was always affiliated with the tin. The beguiling uninspiring canister seduced every cup of coffee to taste loads better than any other that transpired from a lesser receptacle and maybe even better than the coffee strictly called for.

Sadly enough the tin had outdone its shelf life and had developed holes and had to give way to a budding resplendent show-off. I wish I still had it as a relic even if it no longer served its purpose but my absenteeism meant it was perceived at its face value and junked off. My enquiries however set off a train of enmeshed reminiscences and my mum started wondering about the whereabouts of a brass spoon that had always been a loyal companion to the deceased coffee tin. And I can't explain how, but without missing a beat, I mentioned of it being transferred to the tea jar. And on verifying, there it was, standing tall amidst tiny specks of tea leaves. 

The slightly baffling aspect here is that neither do I drink tea (like ever) nor do I ever make a cup whereas my mum does so with a circadian precision since as long as my memory serves me. And she had just finished making herself a steaming cup  not a couple of minutes back! ;)

Monday, September 22, 2014

Dil Maange More

All my life I have been surrounded by really nice people, be it family or friends. A downside to this is that the amount of niceness sums up to a really overwhelming figure which makes moving away from it to lead a comparatively solitary life not a lot of fun. A virtual, digital world is gaining cognizance over a real one and while on one hand I am thankful that it lets me place one foot of mine in a life I have been used to but had to leave behind, it also makes me realize that if it had not been for the super-connectivity that reigns over the entire world, I would still be back in Bombay savoring the company of my near and dear.

Company is much more that getting to hear their voices or have a look-see at their faces. It's about the minuscule things that get stringed together to define our daily course of life. Like a good morning kiss on a grandmother's forehead, or a squealing endearing manner of address to a doting grandfather, sharing the day's work with a friend, ribbings at the dinner table, and badgering and teasing a mum and seeing the look of pained reproach on her face. It need not even be something that marks or demands ubiety or a somatic touchy feely kind of token. It is something that has grown to be so much an implicit part of your life and has blended so efficiently in your routine that you might not even notice it till its cut loose.

Technology sure plays as a sop to my conscience by replacing the palpable bonus bits of my life with a virtual cosmos of propinquity. But although my life sustains even after plucking these guileless nexus away, the kernel of longing is so deep-rooted that it does not show any sign of ebbing away. For which I am grateful, for they elucidate my past, present and future. 

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Mums The Wor(l)d

Her smile is all that takes
To make me feel alls well,
There is not a worry in this world
That cannot be put to rest.

A heart so kind, a hand that helps
Heedless of night or day,
Eyes that well to woes of else
Her own she brushes aside.

Buds she nurtured to tender blooms
By showering them with her love,
Owe their entire being and happiness
To an upbringing that's compassionate to all.

Fostering the frail though not in prime herself
Her dedication undeterred,
She tends to her garden of efflorescence
With the patience of a saint.

I wish I had it in me
Only if half her strength,
It would help me be a better personage
One that I can be proud of with a clean conscience.


P.S: A vain part of me wishes I had an iota of her looks. Wouldn't have hurt to be a tad pretty! :)

Thursday, September 18, 2014

2000 Leagues Across The Seas...

...is where my home is.

R's grandmother passed away the day before yesterday, rather suddenly. No one from his immediate family was around. Scattered across the globe, the rest of the family could at least make it to the funeral to pay their last respects. Everyone but us.

He sits there sad and brooding, reminiscing over the childhood moments that he spent getting pampered, with his great grandmother and grandmother at his beck and call. The loss is unfathomable even if the days spent in their company were not many in number. No child who has ever known its grandparents cannot not be crazy about them.

People will offer condolences; social protocol demands that they do. Its polite, anthropological and indifferent. They all say that the grief shall ebb away, that there is nothing that time can't heal. Over time the voices of the departed will grow faint in your head. Everyone knows what you feel because its not a complex emotion. But what the relationship meant to you is what only a few will appreciate, understand and grieve with you.

Inexorably, there were days when we did not once summon their existence into our mind. The presence of the extant is always taken for granted. It's the insurmountable that we chase, that we crave for. Life is short, capricious and unpredictable.

Right now my mind is turbulent as can be seen in the disjointed tone of this piece. I am where I am not needed, I came here when I was not needed though I would still want to believe otherwise. Some day when my thoughts are more linear will I write a post that will observe the occasion coherently. Right now my mind lies where my heart lies and that's a 7000 miles away! :'(

In memory of R's great grandmother (who passed away last year at the ripe age of 107) and grandmother 



Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Insomnious Insights

Back in pre-school, one of the first essays that we had to write, even before we knew what the term essay meant, was 'Me'. It had a standard pattern and began with My name is so and so and I am so many years old. The parent's names and occupations followed. If you owned a pet then its name and breed would be the next in line. And one would conclude with ones likes and dislikes. In all 6-7 sentences construed our existence. Life was uncomplicated enough to fit into a single sheet of a notebook and to be defined by a simple template. At the moment, I would need more than a sheet of paper and a template to outline me.

I am told that I love creating lists, which is so true, and so I shall fashion my essay accordingly (I wonder if there is an -ist term to define this; that ought to go first : ) ). I am (Disclaimer: limited to cited situations only) an/a-
  • Escapist: An ostrich with its head buried, I tend to turn a blind eye when in knotty situations hoping that providence is playing a trick and that it will all boil down to nothing (as expressed in this earlier post).
  • Perfectionist: No, I am not blowing my own trumpet. I am this ONLY when it comes to an assignment/job. I am meticulous and fussy and neat and compulsive to a point that it gets maddening. And it has its highs and lows. Like in school it proved to be a huge bummer when it came down to taking notes. My handwriting is pretty when I write at a medium pace and with an ink pen. But while trying to keep pace with the teacher's dictations, the uniformity that I so loved went out of the window and I ended up tearing those pages and rewriting the whole piece leisurely at home. It worked well for me at work though. One compliment came from a client who used to bypass the established protocol of assigning work and assign me work directly. On being notified the correct procedure, he confessed that he was aware of the process but did so just because it was a pleasure to have the issue and the resolution documented the way I did (Yay!!! even if it was just flattery :) ).
  • Optimist: I believe that there is always a better tomorrow. I believe that my Ammu who is suffering from an acute form of dementia and has the memory span of a goldfish (It's apparently an idiom  which has now been established by some as a myth) will some day go back to being the grandmother I have known, I believe that when it comes to my next job I'll have the good fortune to be surrounded by as wonderful friends, peers and bosses as I was in my last job (I couldn't ask for any better; they were the best), I believe that things that are broken will get mended if they are meant to be and I believe that my reticence to partake in a fight will only bring me peace.
  • Pacifist (in an extremely meek form): I hate fights, even being a spectator to one. I usually bite my tongue because I know my retort would only hurt someone and do no good whatsoever. My couple friends do not think it untoward to have disputes when in company which leaves both R and me feeling extremely uncomfortable. We, exchanging glances, offer a silent prayer that neither of us would subject the other to even so much as a contradiction in public.
  • Fascist: To my amnemonic grandmother, I am apparently a fascist with a tyrannical disposition who orders her around.
  • Opportunist: To my mum I am one because I barely lift a finger when at my parent's. So much so that I'll wait for someone to make a trip to the kitchen just to get me a glass of water.
More on me without the -ists; I couldn't find any more to describe me ;)
  • A few near and dear are my established weaknesses. I would do anything and everything for them ( Like Psmith would say "Psmith will do it, Crime not objected to) :)
  • I love writing jibber jabber as much as I love reading (Not jibber jabber). Nothing I write is profound or comes close to being intellectual. I write just for the love of it.
  • I am a decent cook although the end product is not what it looks like in my head when I first picture it. I tend to get impatient by the end of my cooking spree so I skip the part where I plate the dish :)
  • I love dancing  and would have been all Miss Twinkle Toes if not for my two left feet. And I have, in all my life, only had drinks on two occasions. I would like to take a shot (pun intended) at both the next time; Shake an inebriated leg! :)
  • I love travelling and visiting new places. I am fond of adventure sports and am looking forward to sky-diving and bungee jumping in one of my future trips.
  • I have a decent memory. I am 'A handful's envy, Mumma's pride and a vexation to the rest'. :)
  • It's also my biggest weakness that I do not forget. Or even let the other party forget. It's like I am a constant thorn in their flesh :(
  • Though I thoroughly enjoy satirical humor, I am not a big fan of the use of sarcasm in general altercations. I find it to be a form of mockery almost as if it is meant to hurt the already wounded and beaten. It bothers me so much that although I know Ammu can't help it and that it's her ailment that makes her resort to sarcasm, yet the barbs that she directs at my mum never fail to tear me up. At that moment, for a jiffy there, I actually resent her for it :'(.
  • I am an extremely bad conversationalist. Maybe that's the reason I end up writing jibber jabber.
  • A friend pointed out that my hypocrisy was one of the reasons for our sweet friendship turning sour. 
  • I am also told that I am a tad manipulative when it comes to conversations; I happen to steer them, to leave me holding the trump card.
  • I tend to consider my side of an argument "The gospel truth" :)
  • I could fare as just about passable looking with a touch of kohl and lip balm. Without them I am worse than plain Jane. High cheek bones with remnants of appalling acne, I smile with my eyes wide shut =)
  • Tall, dark and need not be handsome works for me. A salt and pepper look in a two piece suit with a tie in the boardroom should transform to one in tee and shorts on the sports field. That's how I read my romances. :)
I think its time I put a stop to my pompous ramblings. I have enough material here that would put people through five dates and also enough to make sure there isn't a sixth date; the prospective boyfriend by now having made a run. So the title of Miss Swollen Head of the year goes to I, Me and Myself. I would like to thank all those who contributed their mite to this 'insight' by not mincing matters. And its now time to add Narcissist to that earlier list of ists! Ciao :)

P.S: This post was written at 3 am yesterday, hence the title. I appear to have got bored with my own verboseness and fallen asleep before publishing it!


Tuesday, September 9, 2014

A Walk To Remember - II

I have run out of practice of making friends. I have been so dormant socially for so long now that I come out as a tongue-tied, awkward oaf when in company of people I am not friends with. The reality stared me in the face on a recent excursion with R's friends; I could barely string together a couple of words to form a sentence. That evening I felt beaten down. Left me wondering if I was ever going to be good at things that I had let slip through my fingers. Has time taken a toll on things that I was genuinely good at, that maybe even defined me! Maybe it's too late. Maybe it's not. Only time shall tell. The one thing that I have been improving at is watercolors. I am nowhere near being proud of or even satisfied with my end results but I am going to try and get there some day. So here is my latest. Philadelphia, a city I am quite fond of and lingers in my wistful memories from my office days. One of the walks to remember!


Philadelphia LOVE Park - Officialy known as John F. Kennedy Plaza

Friday, September 5, 2014

A Walk To Remember - I

I forgot to post a picture of the painting I had mentioned in my earlier blog. It's a copy of a painting by a Polish artist whose works I am in love with. And although mine doesn't hold a candle to his painting, I hope someday I shall be able to realize at least a fraction of his flair and his finesse that I so admire.

(Click pics for larger view)



Its a beautiful alley; makes me want to take a walk down that road, skipping across, alternating between the warmth of the blazing sun and the awnings that the quaint little brollies are furnishing. Here, I could walk for hours. Its looks like a place which speaks of romance. Inured to European tales from my earliest reads I can only set it to imagination yet. I would now say I shall love living here. But living here would dampen the enchantment. We are lured by the elusive, so I think I would leave it at a tarriance and make the fascination a reality by walking 'that walk' some time soon.

P.S: Another one of my recent works, unrelated to the post, but I thought of sharing this one too.


Sunday, August 31, 2014

A Weekend That Wasn't

A long due errand that had the felicity of being struck off my checklist last weekend, was a visit to the local library. I am quite a bibliophile and if not for some obscure inertia, I would have been walking down that lane the very next day of my descent into this unfamiliar city. However better late than never they say. So last Saturday, I gave myself a much needed shake and armed with an umbrella stepped out into a very grey and wet evening.

I am a compulsive but a niche reader. Non-fiction, especially philosophy, has never appealed to my predominantly romantic disposition. And almost all of my reading material during my growing years was a bequest from my mother. It was her collection that I raided during my school years and her novels that I would clandestinely read behind text books during exam days (You can't reprimand me for this confession now Mum; its been 15 years, besides, I did just fine. ;) ). That these novels were mostly about blue-blooded dames who, at some point in every novel, surreptitiously stole out in the middle of the night to keep assignments with their heart throbs, did nothing to have me take a peek into my conscience. Among non-fictions, I am partial to historic sagas and medical cases. I also used to love reading the monthly subscription of the Reader's Digest till its standard fell to mere trite, although I had my preferences in its articles too. I used to religiously solve the 'Word Power' and finish 'Laughter, the best medicine' and 'All in a day's work' as soon as I got my hands on the book. All articles related to medicine were always dipped into. With the rest, it always used to depend on the couple of lines of prologue that the article usually carried right below its title.


I spent a good two hours at the library browsing through its rather unfamiliar collection. My repertoire mostly consisted of British works so I am not quite conversant with American literature, especially from the rather recent novelists. I finally settled for a few familiar names and gambled with a couple of exploratory ones; eight in all. Here's a brief scrutiny of how I felt about each of these (I don't want to call it a review; it is more of an insight into my state of mind then and the memories it evoked.)
  • Robin Cook's novels; Doesn't matter which, they all circle around deadly diseases with each symptom depicted in the most magnifiable way possible. After about two pages, I began to envisage experiencing some. It took me back to my Reader's Digest days when I used to read the medical articles after which even the minutest headache and even so much as a sneeze would take me on a self-diagnostic ride. I would come up with the most ludicrous prognosis and would initially fret over it silently until it would be too much to stomach. That's when I would confess about my fears to Mum who would then confirm the ailment to be a very obvious and acute case of hypochondria. :)
  • 'The Moonstone' and 'The Woman In White' By Collins: These are re-reads; they belong to my collection that I left behind in Bombay. 'The Woman In White' especially has some very early memories associated with it, long before I took to novels. Back in the day, Doordarshan had aired a Marathi series by the name श्वेताम्बरा (Shwetambara; literally means dressed in whites). It was an adaptation of the Collins' novel and held an appeal because of the spookiness that surrounded the title track of the series; A woman dressed all in whites with a ghostly pallor peeping from behind a banyan tree (Indian folklore epitomizes the banyan tree as an abode for spirits) in the dead of the night. It made me follow the series. Come to think of it, all the series that I loved watching and happen to still vividly recall were either morbidly tragic or uncanny (I remember 'Avahan' - Morbid and 'Kile ka rahasya' - spooky; and I was all but five). Later, when I happened to read the novel, it held quite an unique appeal thanks to the serial.
  • 'A Will And A Way' and 'Loving Jack' By Nora Roberts: Typical romances with the kind of plots that make you wish you lived amidst its pages. Protagonists who hate each other and quarrel all along or one silent lover and an oblivious miss, are two plots that could never fail to win a gal's heart. 
  • 'The Villa Of Mysteries' By David Hewson and 'The Clairvoyant': Books pertaining to the supernatural; a subject that has fascinated me from my heydays. I have quite a lot of anecdotes on this topic; enough to dedicate an entire post to it.
So all in all, it was a very busy weekend; the busiest I have been in months considering I managed to read all these books and still had time on my hands to draw and paint a watercolor landscape and also cook a four course elaborate and sumptuous Indian meal! That was my 'All in a day's work'  :)

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

I Hear Thunder!

I love the rains. The wet soaking mud, the earthy smell that fills the air, the pitter patter sploshes, the fecund splash of green everywhere, the carpet of blooms around a cluster of trees and the raindrops trickling on my window pane. In Bombay, where I come from, onset of monsoon brings in a dread because of the filthiness that is growing by the minute. It has now become synonymous with garbage, stink, flies and diseases. But in spite of these impediments, I have managed to fall in love with it.

It is wondrous how a thundershower brings in an amalgamation of glee and gloom. The jubilant children playing in the puddles, the fresh buds of flowers bursting to life and the sea of colorful umbrellas against a backdrop of the sad grey sky takes me on an emotional seesaw. One minute I am down on that seesaw, trying to reach out for what seems to be elusive. And the very next minute, my habitual composure and natural cheery being sneaks in and eases me into tranquility. And I love being on that seesaw. Maintaining a balance would be ho hum. I might lose the fascination that I set store by for something as simple and mundane as the rain and I don't think I am ready to let go of its allure as yet. I want to hang in there for as long as possible, away from the humdrum that a balanced, stoic life holds for me as a 'Grown-up' :)


The Blue Beads

Look up at the open skies
Let the pearl-drops soften your tired face
Those tears will get washed away
Or will meld not leaving a trace.

Let the wind run its fingers through your hair
Stop and listen to it whisper
Just might bring a smile to those lips
That are quivering to a whimper.

So dance and prance and trot and run
Forgetting the aching feet and pains
Don't ever stop being that child
Who loves getting soaked in the rains.


Thursday, August 14, 2014

Finnish-ing Touches - III

Because I was just a little over five when we made our last trip to Finland, all these memories might appear jejune and unsophisticated to the reader. But for me they mark the time when the constraints surrounding adulthood did not prevail. It surrounds the immunity I enjoyed as a child. Maybe that's the reason for the clarity even though its been nearly three decades. Rather, the more recent ones are obfuscated with trifle inconsistencies each time I try recollecting them, but each one of these is as clear as a crystal.

6) These ones are taken outside my dad's workplace. It was at a walking distance from our house. The campus was of a moderate size with just two floors in each of the buildings. The thing that stood out in the campus was the array of modern art in the form of sculpts, scattered here and there around the buildings. The one in the pics was an obelisk covered in mirrors on all its sides. Unfortunately I do not have any pictures of the rest; not even of my favorite sculpt which happened to be a green colored hand!


7) Särkänniemi, my childhood 'Disney Land'; I used to wait for that one day during spring/summer when we would make that trip, just like how kids wait for Christmas. I first saw dolphins at Särkänniemand fell in love with sea creatures (I am still petrified of them coming in contact with me; we share a long-distance relationship ;) ). Särkänniemi has an observation tower that was visible from the terrace of our building. Such a huge fan was I of the place that I used to make trips to the terrace during winters, just to see the tip of the tower and glean some happiness out of the knowledge that come spring and I would get to visit the place (Silly nai! :) ). The picture was taken in the zoo that is adjacent to the tower. At the base of the tower, outside the zoo, was a deep pit with seals and right at the entrance of the zoo, on one side was a little blue tub with tiny turtles swimming around energetically and on the other side were little miniature house-like blocks with bunnies snuggling, their little red noses peeping out. 


8) My sister is less than three months old in this picture, when she made her first trip to Finland. Once we had reached the Bombay airport and were just about to get done with the immigration formalities, my mom realized that my sister was missing a sock. It was a woolly little white thing with blue bunnies all over it. I remember her retracing her steps and dragging me along looking for that sock which alas, we weren't able to find! This picture though is taken on the train from Helsinki to Tampere after our flight.


9) I was the proud owner of two dolls; one which I had picked myself (the yellow and blue haired weirdo in the picture), the other thrust on my by some kind friend (It was a clown-like red guy whom I never took to ;) ). The blond in the picture, who happened to be a good friend till this play date, turned foe because we kept fighting over the same weird doll.


10) On the fourth floor of our building lived Kovvikka, a friend of mine. She was a couple of years older than I and had six or seven siblings, the names of most I can't seem to recollect. The second from the youngest was named Cookie. We all used to gather every evening and have a good time in the park and the sand-pit and go home covered from head to toe in sand. You could literally build a sand castle of your own with just the amount of sand that my curly hair would retain. Then one fine day I returned home, not covered in sand, but in blood. In a argument over whose turn it was on the swing, Cookie, in a fit of rage had flung a small rock right at me which happened to hit my head. I didn't feel any pain nor was I aware that I was bleeding profusely. Kovvikka however gauged the situation pretty well and knew instantly that her sister was in deep trouble and so was I, but in a different way. She grabbed my hand and rushed not to my home but hers. Her mom bathed and dressed my wound and then almost trembling all the way took me to my mom who didn't react at all once she saw that I was fine. In fact I remember insisting that she let me go back to play and after some weak protestations she just tied a scarf around my head and let me go. Cookie wasn't there when I joined the jingbang again but she did turn up in some time with her mom. Poor thing must have got a good thrashing for she was all red-eyed and hichuppy. She kept saying something that her mom was egging her to repeat when I failed to understand. Finally I just said o.k. after the kid had repeated it at least some eight times. Turns out she was saying "Forgive me", a word I was unfamiliar with having only heard of 'Sorry'! Again, I do not have a picture of Cookie or Kovvikka or any of her other 6-7 siblings :(

And I can go on and on. Maybe I shall find ways to incorporate the other remaining anecdotes in posts that are not exclusively Finnish. I so look forward to going back but at the same time I am more than apprehensive at the thought of it. Going back would mean looking at all of this with a fresh pair of eyes. Everything will have changed. And that would mean applying another coat of paint on my canvas of memories. And if the present is antithetical to my past, the coat will be an opaque one and will forever eclipse my innocent flashback cosmos! 

Friday, August 8, 2014

Finnish-ing Touches - II

Most pictures have a story to tell. Some funny, some childish and the others wistful. I shall try to list mine (and anecdotes for which I do not appear to have pictures to back me up with) in a chronological order. 

1) I start with a memory that isn't a 'Finnish' memory per se (Nor is it a chronological fit) but is a fond one just around my travel to Finland and is in memory of a favorite uncle.

I was little less than three then and was a 100% into an audio of nursery rhymes sung by yesteryear's 'sensation' in that genre, Preeti Sagar. I used to have it play to me (sometimes sing to me with 'Little Bo Peep' being my favorite) by my grandmother every night just to put me to sleep. Digressing from the topic in hand, another song that my grandfather played to me, especially when I was cross or just lachrymose, was K.L. Saigal's 'So jaa raajkumari'.  If you listen to it now with fresh ears you will very likely find it cacophonous and weepy enough to bring even a peppy person's spirits down. But believe me, back then it worked wonders in calming me (Maybe I discerned a likeness or felt some kind of kinship; the singer and I share a similar nasal voice ;-) ). Although now it does make me weepy but for a whole different set of reasons. Returning to the story, I was flying to Helsinki with my mum that night and had reached the airport when it occurred to me that I had left my audio cassette back home. It was way past midnight, so the shops around had already shut down for the day and it was a good hour long drive to my place. My uncle who had come to see me off  rushed back even before the meek demands of 'Makka zai" had crossed my lips. And huffing and puffing did he return within two hours, to outstretched arms and a beaming face showering him with kisses.


 At his daughter's wedding; the last time ever I laid eyes on him 
(Mangalore, Karnataka; 14 November, 2010)


 The last trip we took together 
(Bekal Fort, Kerala; 18 December, 2009)

For my Bappa, K.N. Rao (1952-2011)

P.S: Love you and miss you Bappa; Mangalore trips aren't the same anymore. I always look around for you even at the slightest hint of tobacco whiff in the air!

2) At the age of two, my mum tutoring me every night about the animals that inhabit the African continent, from a giant orange colored book titled 'Africa'. And the photo of an okapi in particular. Not many people are aware that an animal called okapi exists in our animal kingdom! 

3) A kind lady (total stranger) buying me an ice-cream while boarding a boat with my mum. I was little above two; I remember the smiling face pulling my cheeks and chattering in unintelligible Finnish (or was it Russian, Mum?) :)

4) At the age of three, telling my mum that a couple of ladies on the bench beside us were not speaking Finnish. It actually turned out that they were conversing in Swedish. To this day my mum speaks about this incident not without bafflement.

(At the 'Small Lake'; 1985)

5) I have always loved dogs. I have had them as pets; had one around from the day I was born. But somehow I did not pet or cuddle that cute little poodle in the picture. The kind man kept egging me to pet and stroke the bundle of fur. But I just kept edging away. I remember feeling very sad and longing for another chance at petting him once they had walked away. It really was a dear little thing with soulful eyes!

For the next set of memories, keep an eye out for my third post! :)

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Finnish-ing Touches - I

I want to make a trip to Finland again; maybe someday I will.



I spent the first six years of my life shuttling between India and Finland. It was a pretty little town called Tampere in Finland, right on the periphery of the Tundra region with coniferous trees standing tall around charming lakes. Finland is called 'The Land Of A Thousand Lakes' with the last count numbering them to be 187,888. Contrary to most belief, Finland is a Nordic country, but automatically gets grouped with its neighbors Sweden and Norway as a Scandinavian one.

The above picture is of the view from my living room/Kitchen/Bedroom (They all had windows facing the same way) on the 7th floor of a building that had 12 floors. The 13th floor was divided into an attic and the terrace. I did hunt through my treasured photographs for a picture of the building but couldn't find one. But I do remember it to be a rust colored one with intermittent patches of concrete and pebble finishes. It had two wings with sand-pits, bike trails and dainty, small parks on either side of the building. In fact most of my memories are still quite fresh in my mind as if it were just a couple of years ago that I was there, scampering on the streets as a carefree toddler. If I took to penning down every detail that I recall and cherish, I wouldn't have to look for any more topics to adorn my blog space. But since this is one of the constructive and happy outcomes of a memory refresh, I shall go on till the point it starts getting boring even to as generous and patient an audience, as my family and friends.

A couple of minutes walk from our house got us to one of the 187,888 lakes that I had nicknamed 'Small Lake'. I called it so because it was the smaller of the two lakes that I would frequently haunt, so naturally the other one was christened 'Big Lake'.


Small Lake

Big Lake


It was about an hour and a half long walk (for a 2-3 year old and with pine cones strewn all the way, who could resist!) to the 'Big Lake'. And make that 3 hours when spring came along, for it was time for berry picking (I still did not ditch my pine cones; they just went into a separate basket). The walk was an extremely picturesque one complete with little wooden bridges under which ran lyrical brooks in tiny cascades and cave like tunnels with murals bedecking it's otherwise staid walls . The walk was a shimmering pebble trail and dandelions filled the air. All in all it made one pretty postcard.

The place on the whole lacked human touch. The streets were usually devoid of people. Winters brought in the desolation that accompanies an ambient temperature of -30C or lesser. Come summer and we would witness a nod here and a smile there. In general the Finnish were an aloofish lot. But the handful of friends that we made there were a really warm and hospitable bunch. More on the friends and my quirks in my following posts. I should probably focus on the stories that go with the photographs that I have managed to salvage from a fading lot. That might help me cut short what right now appears to be a topic that has a sequel numbered X!

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Full Of Crab(s)


'“Sorry, anything to oblige, but not that,” said Suzanne cheerfully; the sacrifices of friendship were beautiful in her eyes as long as she was not asked to make them.'

So I spent the evening reading Saki. The above line is from a short story of his titled 'Fur' and it reminded me of an interchange that I had witnessed a while ago. Here is what happened.

The unavoidable circumstance of having to visit an Indian sarkari office in order to obtain a driver's license had me waiting in a queue for hours, twiddling my thumbs. There was a special line for the ladies, numbering to about ten of us in all, whereas a separate line for the men was a serpent's coil spanning two floors. A rather noisy miss of (definitely not sweet) sixteen, a clear case of 'Money with the crass and not the class', stood ahead of me in the queue and was drawing a lot of attention from the crude and the chic. Togged up in a glaringly bold outfit quite unfit for the company of unblushingly ogling truck drivers, her voice was as loud as her attire. She was narrating the story of the movie 'The Roommate' to her companion, a boy of about her age, who stood next to her. I took him to be her family or a friend who had tagged along to bear her company; that, until he mumbled something about losing his spot in the queue since he had been gone for long. To which the girl actually stamped her foot asking him to stop interrupting her since it made her lose the thread and went rambling on in a childishly made up accent about Sara, Rebecca, Stephen interjected with a zillion 'Oh My God's, 'Epic's 'So scary you know!'s and even more expletives. The next time that the boy made a meek attempt at fleeing (which was about a half an hour and probably two floor-coils later), the girl foiled his attempt by literally latching on to his sleeve. 

Finally the tale did come to an end and so, I thought, would the boy's woes. But the girl hopped on to another topic before the poor guy could get his sleeve off her iron grip. Any mention of him joining the queue and she would pout her lips and her expression would go all soulful and helpless (somewhat like the one Puss In Boots had on in the movie Shrek) and say she felt uncomfortable standing there all alone among gawking strangers. An unwilling ear to a boisterous speech, most of her shallow thoughts amused me while some were purely nauseating. One such disgusting thought cropped up when the monologue had moved on to the topic of education. The girl confessed that she was a below average student who had managed to scrape through grades by mooching on other's brains during exams. I, reluctantly, found this candid talk to be a tad amusing till she voiced her dad's views on the same. Apparently the girl's father had taught her, "If you know you can't do well based on your qualities, then make sure to pull down all others who have a shot at it". The girl proudly announced that the man had made a lot of moolah by following this maxim to the hilt and that she had followed his advice and had fared equally well in school. So she used to first put her copying quality to the maximum use, but a failure at any such attempt, and she would assume the role of a moral police and maliciously enlighten the invigilator with names of fellow students copying (or sometimes not; merely out of spite).


Now this attitude brings me to another extract that I had come across in the Reader's Digest journal of the February of 1987. The article 'Donald Thornton's Magnificent Dream' (abridged version of the book entitled The Ditchdigger's Daughters - By Dr. Yvonne Thornton ), was the story of an African-American family as narrated by one of the daughters of the family. She had quoted a piece of her father's in the narrative that went, "Niggers are like crabs in a basket. Let me tell you somethin', you have all these crabs in a basket and they're okay, jus' millin around aimlessly, until one crab decides he wants to go up the side and try to get out of the basket. Then, all of a sudden, the other crabs who was doin' nothin' rush to that side of the basket and start pullin' him down." . Wonderfully and aptly describes the outlook of the gal and her like. And true in case of crabs too, considering the fishmongers hardly ever place lids on their baskets of live crabs!

Coming back to the RTO (whence I had drifted onto crabby shores), finally the boy was rescued by the rusty wheels being set in motion by the lethargic staff who had walked in leisurely just three hours after they officially opened. The actual work took less than a minute so I was out within ten minutes of the line having started to move. As I stepped out of the building, with the gal right ahead of me, I came across the boy standing in the queue. He had apparently lost his place over loud and violent protestations about jumping the line and had been reduced to accepting a place outside the building, in the hot blazing sun. As I stood there waiting for my ride, I once again happened to be an audience to their discussion. The boy, again meekly, was requesting the girl to join him for lunch once he was done with the RTO formalities. She was saying that it was quite hot and humid and that she couldn't see a shade to protect her from a bad tan. The boy then rightly pointed out that there was a mall right around the corner and that she could wait at the restaurant that the mall housed. To which she replied with a "No can do", anything but that, and that it would be a good two hours before his turn came and that it would mean she would have to forgo her afternoon siesta and Oh, she hadn't known earlier but she could see that her dad had come to pick her up and that she couldn't make him wait since he was a busy man (no kidding!). And with a toss of her head and a very sweet and long 'Byeee', she walked away to a waiting Audi, got into the backseat of the chauffeur driven car, of which she happened to quite visibly be the only passenger and drove away leaving behind an overpowering scent of her perfume and a trail of dust into the mouth of one gaping gudgeon!! 

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The Silent Statuette

"Sometimes walking away silently has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realize our worth, but because we finally realize our own"
-Unknown

Though quite a self-willed and opinionated gal, I always choose silence over tongue-lashing or giving a piece of my mind. When things get ugly I choose a silent exit probably finding better avenues to vent out than a spat. What people see as my weakness, I see it as a strong-willed choice to avert the hurt that accompanies such altercations. And I also firmly believe that such fractious moments are always temporary and that an unwillingness to be a party to crossing swords is enough to either call for peace and kindness or, in irreparable cases, an indifference.


GARDEN OF WOES
  
The irked quarrel, the silent weep
Teardrops find brilliance rolling down 
It has been a while that an outstretched hand
Has offered to move aside the thistles and thorns.

Driblets gathering at it's crippled feet
Turf soaking with the stormy frenzies
The prior had the blessedness of seeding fresh roses
The prevailing can breed only weakened creepers.

A garden that once had a blossoming prolificacy 
Of florets and shimmers and hues
Now houses a sculpture as grey and cold as it's stone
With it's head bent low and vines webbed all around.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Phony Smiles :)

For some time now my grandfather's usual animated self is laced with a brooding aura that is quite alien to his personality. It got me a trifle worried when I first started noticing the brief spells of despondency he used to lapse into. A great deal of coaxing and oodles of attentive ministrations later did the wherefore unfold. 

A few months earlier glaucoma had impaired the vision in his one eye by 25% causing irreparable damage. Thankfully early detection put a freeze on the deterioration only to know in the follow-ups that the sight in the other eye was ebbing away to an age-related disorder known as Macular Degeneration. And though he was assured that the recommended three rounds of needle shots would restore his eyesight, the effects speak otherwise.  For a nonagenarian who has led a freewheeling and an unaided life all along, the drawing near of obfuscated days does cast a shadow of mild sorrow no matter how happy-go-lucky his disposition might be. With each passing day his vision grows more and more nebulous, he has trouble reading his beloved newspaper and he struggles to trace more than outlines of the faces of his audience. And all this while his spirits sing the blues. Holding him in conversations, encouraging him to narrate anecdotes or general pampering does make him forget his woes but when left to his own thoughts the shadow returns to dampen his child-like spirits.

As I sat there wondering what would make a fine fettle mind as his find well defined solid perception in all the haze, a little attention to things said and also left unsaid made me realize I was at fault in my outlook. I was looking for a way to please a perfectionist, to come to the aid of an independent grandfather with eons of experience and torrents of worldly wisdom. In my awe I failed to see him as the child that he has become. Old age makes one more childish than childhood itself. I have two excellent examples in my very home to support this theory. It is easier to overlook their child-like needs and turn a deaf ear to their fascinations and their obstinacy due to the absence of tantrums. But an ear to their mild persistence and one can see just how vulnerable they have grown to be. And  pacifying and humoring them requires much more tact and patience than managing kids. My grandfather had been dropping subtle hints about his penchant for cell phones and his aspiration to have one that can be called his very own. Coming from a guy who is extremely inquisitive and over zealous about knowing how everything under the sun works (I am literally trying to coach him about the internet and surfing and the like; today's lesson was on WhatsApp :D ), his references were brushed aside as his thirst for knowledge. But a little of reading between the lines convinced me that it was more than just that. 

So my sister and I gifted him with a cell phone and we have never been more pleased with ourselves. He has been smiling away to glory like a cheshire cat with not a hint of sorrow in those clouded eyes. Infact the fogginess has disappeared, unveiling a sparkle. The phone is a sign of his keeping pace with a fast altering, easy-to-feel-left-behind world, its a sign of his independence and also a toy to keep him and his thoughts occupied, giving them a cheerful ring...tringgg!

P.S.: This selfie is his artwork and the expression that accompanies the click has the likeness of a child coming face-to-face with Santa! :)

Friday, April 18, 2014

Happy Birthday Pachchi

A short post; my left side still not functional enough to type. So a post simply in memory of my aunt (my mum's aunt but closer to her in age). Today would have been her 65th birthday. I do not have a very definite memory of her; just hazy bits from stray conversations. I was but four when she passed away. And we used to live in Finland and come down just twice every year. So it sort of narrows down the time I spent with her to number a few weekends. What I do remember distinctly though is the love that she showered on me and the kind of pampering that I was subjected to on the days that I spent in her company. Even when a ravaging sickness wrecked her body, straining every bit of her strength, I remember her making undeterred trips just to visit me. This photo is from my third birthday; traces of onset of her sickness can be seen in her bony frame which doesn't go with my early recollections of her.

I can't say that missing her terribly is something that I feel. What I do feel is that I shall never know exactly what I am missing in my life by not having her as a part of it, though I can say without a trace of any doubt that it is something beautiful and decidedly irreplaceable.

For my aunt, Ranjani R (April 19, 1949 - January 07, 1987)

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Cacophonous Maladies

A nasty week this was and still continues to be. What with five different bugs descending leaving me completely indisposed and tied to the bed, my highlights of this week are drawn from a nebulous composite of the real and the delirious (It must be the painkillers talking). A few things that dawdle in my mind :


  • Popping pills
  • Long talks with a few friends; something that had been swept away by time and tide.
  • Cooking, something that I love but rarely do. Cooked up a three course meal; 13 dishes with no leftovers - Clean Bowled.
  • An hour long banter at a coffee shop about why Mr. Darcy is the embodiment of every girl's notion of a suitor in spite of his numerous character flaws. It ended on the exact same note as it always does that the very characteristics that drive the guys from even venturing nigh any Jane Austen novel are the ones that make a gal swoon and drool. Period.
  •  Books that I devoured; My bed-stand houses a Jenga tower.
But the focal point that made the week worthwhile and rendered the aches and pains moot was 11 friends getting together for dinner and a night-stay (some taking a holiday and travelling over) exhibiting that life is all about simple yet deep-seated and sincere pleasures :-)

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Knotty Nights

      When it comes to quiescent habits, I am an owl. When darkness descends, when pin drop silence prevails, when the lull is occasionally broken by a pack of dogs' brouhaha and when the moon's silvery streak trickles down making the turf flash and shimmer, my world gains cognizance. Since the balanced and the lucid, who make up the rest of the world, eye these hours as an interlude befitting slumber, I fail to enlist a partaker or score an audience. And that leaves me in a lurch.

      So I write. I write pages and pages of anything and everything that this mind can recall. Most things committed to a memory that is by no means poor, get jotted down. Many such write-ups die an early death because of the extent of trite that they hold. A few that pass muster of self-evaluation help me restore my sense of balance. Those reflections deriving a coherent form as a post or a card or an email emulate an audience. Out of these, the formal ones and the personal ones go out as cards and emails. The rest of the casual ones that get on to this blog are for a select few; family and a few friends whom I write for. And from the scattering ones that do not see the light of the day, I glean an unplaced sense of comfort of the tangible, as if I earned myself a confidante in my nocturnal microcosm. Cheers!!

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Puppy Love(s)

My anamnestic afternoon exercise for this week was to settle myself on the floor of my old room in the midst of strewn photographs; some in color, some in black and white, some discolored, some frazzled and in tatters with a tape holding the pieces together and some beyond repair. Among the ones that have endured and survived the test of time, of moving houses and of neglect are a couple of ones that brought in the wistfulness and longing surrounding the loss of a loved one. These photographs are of two lesser known members of our family; Mickey and Bobby.


Mickey (1974-1987) was a stray; mum and aunt had found him as a pup, somewhere on the streets of Bombay circa 1974. He was being stoned and teased by some wretched, sadist lads who were deriving pleasure from the little one's whimpers. Severely admonishing the boys for their brutality, my aunt picked up the whining pup and caressed him till he was convinced that he was safe. He seemed to have a belt round his neck, but there wasn't a leash attached; he appeared to have broken free from his master. The belt also could hardly be called one, it was a coarse, frayed piece of rope which probably had been put there by some of the street urchins. Once his whimpers had hushed down to coos, they placed him on the pavement and started on their way only to realize a while later that they had a new fan following. And so they brought him home. That little pup went on to grow to the size of a small calf. This picture of him nibbling on my aunt's hand was taken when he was just 3 months old.

From the time of his entry into our family till the year I was born ,Mickey was never kept on a leash or forced to stay outdoors, though at night he preferred staying out. Sometimes he would just take himself off for a walk around our colony. On other nights he would choose to loiter around our garden or simply sleep on the bench in our patio. During the day he would tail my grandmother all around the house. He would sit at her feet obediently as she cooked in the kitchen, he would tug at her saree pallu cajoling her to join him in his playful antics as she hung the clothes out to dry, he would whine around lunch time with a soulful expression of absolute starvation on his face and he would curl at the foot of her bed during her afternoon siestas. He absolutely loved company, not as much canine as human. When my mum brought home her friends from college, Mickey would grace the drawing room with his presence and would neatly settle himself right at the center of the gang, occasionally throwing in a bark or two while the friends sat chit-chatting. And the friends absolutely loved him.

Most people now believe that quite a few animals including dogs have an intelligence to match or exceed that of humans. But on an emotional level, they still think animals to be quite devoid of the profound faculties. When my grandmother lost her sister, as she was lying on the bed mourning with tears pouring from her shut eyes, she felt something wet wipe away her tears from her streaming cheeks. She opened her eyes to find Mickey licking away her teardrops. And he kept doing so all night, till she stopped crying and fell asleep. Only after that did he lie down right there at her feet. On his mischievous front; Sofas and beds were out of bounds and my grandfather would make it clear to him with a "Mickey, sofaari chonu bashcha na" (Mickey, no climbing and sitting on the sofa) every morning before leaving for work. So every morning  right after the sound of his footsteps would die away, Mickey would make it a point to jump onto the sofa, run the full length of it, jump on to an adjacent diwan and jump back onto the sofa, to and fro, till he would get tired of the exercise. And every evening he would be on an alert, straining his ears for the sound of my grandfather's footsteps as he returned from work. My grandfather's stepping into the veranda coincided exactly with Mickey's descent from the sofa and he would settle himself in one corner of the room, a picture of virtuousness and saintly inculpability as if he never so much as knew the feel of a sofa.

When I was born everything changed; my entry meant Mickey's exit from the family home. He was confined to a kennel in our garden. I feel guilty thinking that I might have been responsible for his losing most of his playfulness in the years to come. When I got a little older, he was sometimes allowed inside the house. I used to play with him quite often and have sometimes had a ride or two on his back. He still was deeply attached to every member of our family but he must have missed his sense of belonging and freedom. He started falling sick quite often. On one such sickness spell, he developed ulcers both inside his throat and also on his body. The body wounds got septic and used to ooze out pus that had a really foul smell of rotting flesh. The vet had given up and was egging us to put him to sleep. But my grandfather refused and took it on himself to feed him, bathe and doctor his wounds. Every day, wearing a surgical mask to keep out the infection as well as to beat the foul smell, he would bathe his wounds, apply antiseptics and bandage them and then would feed him using a tube that he had fashioned from the garden pipe and had sterilized. And Mickey did survive. He continued guarding our house for many years thereafter as he had done several times earlier and managed to foil several burglary attempts around our neighborhood.

One such burglary that Mickey helped nip in the bud cost him his life. Two afternoons after the night he had raised the alarm by his incessant barking and pounding on the kennel door, my grandmother found him lying listless inside his kennel as she took him his lunch. He did not acknowledge her with his usual welcome barks or even eye the food that was placed before him. My grandmother chided him to stop fussing and threatened to take away the food to which he listened to with flattened ears and a teary look. Finally she left him on an acid note saying "Megele saglo dees na tukka javonu baschaka" (I do not have a whole day to feed you). That evening when our gardener, with whom he was on the friendliest of terms, called out his name there was no response. He pulled him by his feet only to find him gone; blue bottled flies and ants had already made home on his furry coat. Someone, in a streak of pure vindictiveness, had poisoned his food  the previous day. I was five then. That picture is still vivid in my mind as I tearfully watched my friend being bundled into a sack.



Bobby (1992-2003) came to us as a month old pup. He was a cur; mixed breed of a dalmatian and a stray. Unlike Mickey, Bobby was always kept outdoors. And his personality was also quite in contrast to Mickey's. Bobby was hardly ever friendly to anyone outside our immediate family, was  a sickly sort and remained little bigger than the size of a pup. But his ferocity was in contrary to his stunted size; he would tug his leash with all his might and snarl menacingly at anyone who happened to so much as touch our gate. And like Mickey, he was a faithful companion for eleven years.

He was kept harnessed; tied to our drawing room window that overlooked the garden. Whenever he needed to grab our attention he used to balance on his hind paws and scratch continuously on the glass pane with his fore paws. He was terribly fond of biscuits and had learnt what the phonetic of the word meant. Any mention of the word would bring in the rasping and he wouldn't stop till he was given one; later we used to spell out B-I-S-C-U-I-T if we ever had to say the word. He loved auto rides, chasing butterflies, playing fetch and was petrified of the water. When out for a walk, he would bark at and challenge other dogs while still on the leash. Once set free, he wasn't much of a hero that he wished to make us believe; he would try and hide behind our legs while the barks would turn into soft woofs. 

When it comes to Bobby too, I feel guilty for he was not kept as close to our family as we should have. He must have been lonely which was evident from his overt jubilation when he was sometimes set free inside the house. He would run around like a maniac with such joyful yelps, lick people's feet and finally settle down on someone's lap hoping for a few petting strokes and more tit-bits. I wasn't around during his last moments and have my sister's depiction to go by. He had been sick for a while and wasn't showing any signs of improvement. That afternoon while I was away at college, his gait became a trifle errant and he suddenly slouched while trying to get to his feet. My grandfather then picked him up and placed him on his lap while his breathing came in gasps and looked pleadingly into his eyes as if trying to find reassurance and comfort in them. For nearly an hour and a half, he sat cradling the little fellow, all the while talking lovingly to him and soothing him with soft caresses till he breathed his last in my grandfather's arms.

They say a dog answers to only one master. For both, Mickey and Bobby, that master was undoubtedly my grandfather. They were both terrified of him and at the same time loved him unconditionally with all the devotion that a dog has for his master. The rest of us were sous-masters; we were to be loved but never obeyed to. That was reserved solely for their master. One raised eyebrow and one call of the name was more than enough to get them crawling on their knees. And I know, though he does not speak of them often, he misses them more than all the rest of us put together. We have never had the nerve to introduce any more pets into the family after these two. The dismal truth that those welcoming barks will never fall on these ears no matter how hard we strain them and the heart wrenching spectacle of watching the little balls of fur turn to dust is not something that our hearts can endure for a third time! Love you, my munchkins. We miss you! :'-(

Sunday, April 6, 2014

It was a Friday!

      My grandfather is in his 90s and even now lives his daily life with a clockwork precision. His chronically tailored day commences with an inaugural walk around our residential colony at the crack of dawn followed by a healthy breakfast which sometimes goes the unhealthy way when my mom's watchful eyes are occupied elsewhere. She is the only one in our family whom he lends an ear to or submits to. A protest from anyone else over the sly sleight of hand in making the junk tit-bits vanish off the table brings in nothing more than a shrug. If mum happens to make an entry at the time of this interchange, the shrug transforms to a look of pained ignorance of a soul wronged. He then picks up the stack of newspapers and it's supplements and drinks in the stories that made headlines that day. Once the nitty-grittys have been devoured, the lesser quintessential ones are left for his perusal between forty winks reserved for his afternoons. Betwixt the two sessions of staying abreast with the current affairs, he manages to do household chores, fix broken appliances, showcase his carpentry as well as his art skills and make sure that my grandmother gets her daily dose of medicines. Evenings are reserved for detective TV shows. His timetable as well as his time management puts the younger generations in our family to shame.

      And his proneness for exactitude does not stop just there. Anything and everything associated with him or his work speaks about his meticulousness, of not a hair being out of it's place no matter how fine toothed a comb you happen to run through. It irks him to no bounds having to watch his grand-kids, far from inheriting his traits, develop antithetically not sharing an ounce of his love for the impeccable.

      His another aspect that has stood the sands of time is his unimpaired ability to recollect with precision everything that those old and experienced eyes have ever witnessed or any bit of information that his acute mind has ever assimilated. And it is always right on to the puniest itsy-bitsy level. He also likes sharing anecdotes about things from his heydays and about history in general. On one such occasion he was recounting the scene to a friend of mine, surrounding the Bombay Explosion that had occurred in the Victoria Dock of Bombay when a freighter carrying varied cargo including tons of explosives had caught fire. His workplace was not far from the dockyard so he was basically narrating the events of the afternoon as seen and experienced from his desk at his office. And he concluded the narrative by saying "This happened on the 14th of April 1944...It was a Friday!". My friend found this level of recall to be both amazing as well as amusing. The next time we happened to talk about the episode, he jokingly mentioned to my grandfather that he had almost expected him to have even given us the time when the explosion occurred, right down to the minute. To which, without missing a beat came the reply, "It occurred at 04:14 pm"! My friend and I had nothing really to say further.

      Try as I might, I cannot be anything like my grandfather. He is basically my idol, the person whom I would love to ape, my alarm, my day planner, my reminder call, my diary, my calendar, my encyclopedia, everything bundled into one; he is my Grandfather Clock :-*