Insomnious Insights

Back in pre-school, one of the first essays that we had to write, even before we knew what the term essay meant, was 'Me'. It had a standard pattern and began with My name is so and so and I am so many years old. The parent's names and occupations followed. If you owned a pet then its name and breed would be the next in line. And one would conclude with ones likes and dislikes. In all 6-7 sentences construed our existence. Life was uncomplicated enough to fit into a single sheet of a notebook and to be defined by a simple template. At the moment, I would need more than a sheet of paper and a template to outline me.

I am told that I love creating lists, which is so true, and so I shall fashion my essay accordingly (I wonder if there is an -ist term to define this; that ought to go first : ) ). I am (Disclaimer: limited to cited situations only) an/a-

• Escapist: An ostrich with its head buried, I tend to turn a blind eye when in knotty situations hoping that providence is playing a trick and that it will all boil down to nothing (as expressed in this earlier post).
• Perfectionist: No, I am not blowing my own trumpet. I am this ONLY when it comes to an assignment/job. I am meticulous and fussy and neat and compulsive to a point that it gets maddening. And it has its highs and lows. Like in school it proved to be a huge bummer when it came down to taking notes. My handwriting is pretty when I write at a medium pace and with an ink pen. But while trying to keep pace with the teacher's dictations, the uniformity that I so loved went out of the window and I ended up tearing those pages and rewriting the whole piece leisurely at home. It worked well for me at work though. One compliment came from a client who used to bypass the established protocol of assigning work and assign me work directly. On being notified the correct procedure, he confessed that he was aware of the process but did so just because it was a pleasure to have the issue and the resolution documented the way I did (Yay!!! even if it was just flattery :) ).
• Optimist: I believe that there is always a better tomorrow. I believe that my Ammu who is suffering from an acute form of dementia and has the memory span of a goldfish (It's apparently an idiom  which has now been established by some as a myth) will some day go back to being the grandmother I have known, I believe that when it comes to my next job I'll have the good fortune to be surrounded by as wonderful friends, peers and bosses as I was in my last job (I couldn't ask for any better; they were the best), I believe that things that are broken will get mended if they are meant to be and I believe that my reticence to partake in a fight will only bring me peace.
• Pacifist (in an extremely meek form): I hate fights, even being a spectator to one. I usually bite my tongue because I know my retort would only hurt someone and do no good whatsoever. My couple friends do not think it untoward to have disputes when in company which leaves both R and me feeling extremely uncomfortable. We, exchanging glances, offer a silent prayer that neither of us would subject the other to even so much as a contradiction in public.
• Fascist: To my amnemonic grandmother, I am apparently a fascist with a tyrannical disposition who orders her around.
• Opportunist: To my mum I am one because I barely lift a finger when at my parent's. So much so that I'll wait for someone to make a trip to the kitchen just to get me a glass of water.

More on me without the -ists; I couldn't find any more to describe me ;)

• A few near and dear are my established weaknesses. I would do anything and everything for them ( Like Psmith would say "Psmith will do it, Crime not objected to) :)
• I love writing jibber jabber as much as I love reading (Not jibber jabber). Nothing I write is profound or comes close to being intellectual. I write just for the love of it.
• I am a decent cook although the end product is not what it looks like in my head when I first picture it. I tend to get impatient by the end of my cooking spree so I skip the part where I plate the dish :)
• I love dancing  and would have been all Miss Twinkle Toes if not for my two left feet. And I have, in all my life, only had drinks on two occasions. I would like to take a shot (pun intended) at both the next time; Shake an inebriated leg! :)
• I love travelling and visiting new places. I am fond of adventure sports and am looking forward to sky-diving and bungee jumping in one of my future trips.
• I have a decent memory. I am 'A handful's envy, Mumma's pride and a vexation to the rest'. :)
• It's also my biggest weakness that I do not forget. Or even let the other party forget. It's like I am a constant thorn in their flesh :(
• Though I thoroughly enjoy satirical humor, I am not a big fan of the use of sarcasm in general altercations. I find it to be a form of mockery almost as if it is meant to hurt the already wounded and beaten. It bothers me so much that although I know Ammu can't help it and that it's her ailment that makes her resort to sarcasm, yet the barbs that she directs at my mum never fail to tear me up. At that moment, for a jiffy there, I actually resent her for it :'(.
• I am an extremely bad conversationalist. Maybe that's the reason I end up writing jibber jabber.
• A friend pointed out that my hypocrisy was one of the reasons for our sweet friendship turning sour. 
• I am also told that I am a tad manipulative when it comes to conversations; I happen to steer them, to leave me holding the trump card.
• I tend to consider my side of an argument "The gospel truth" :)
• I could fare as just about passable looking with a touch of kohl and lip balm. Without them I am worse than plain Jane. High cheek bones with remnants of appalling acne, I smile with my eyes wide shut =)
• Tall, dark and need not be handsome works for me. A salt and pepper look in a two piece suit with a tie in the boardroom should transform to one in tee and shorts on the sports field. That's how I read my romances. :)

I think its time I put a stop to my pompous ramblings. I have enough material here that would put people through five dates and also enough to make sure there isn't a sixth date; the prospective boyfriend by now having made a run. So the title of Miss Swollen Head of the year goes to I, Me and Myself. I would like to thank all those who contributed their mite to this 'insight' by not mincing matters. And its now time to add Narcissist to that earlier list of ists! Ciao :)

P.S: This post was written at 3 am yesterday, hence the title. I appear to have got bored with my own verboseness and fallen asleep before publishing it!